I am the type of person who’s always gotten along better with men than with women. Maybe it’s because I grew up with a brother and the boys’ games would always interest me more than the girls’ (I was interested in football years before I even became aware of fashion). Maybe it’s because I’ve always been more of the independent type (which still applies now, in my married life – my husband and I will never be the kind of couple who does everything together), who thought I could do everything by myself or as good as a boy or a man. And I think it’s mainly because I love a man’s personality, the conversations they easily make up, the way they address real problems and not fret about the small things, how they avoid the trivial stuff … and because I love their sense of friendship. I resent the lack of solidarity between women and women. I don’t think women support each other enough. Too often, instead of being inspired and motivated by other women and their accomplishments, we are quick to pass judgement and dislike one another without any valid reason whatsoever, just because. And that often stems from insecurity and lack of self-confidence. So why not make an effort to better ourselves, work harder, learn from others, respect them and their work and thus respect ourselves?
Have you ever told a woman that she looked beautiful and really mean it? I agree, you have to feel good in your own skin first of all in order to be able to do that and that’s why you should make this a purpose – you’ll be a better you, a better friend, a better human being. Have you showed encouragement to a woman starting off her own business or a personal venture, no matter how dreamy that might have seemed? As someone co-owning a business, as well as running this blog, I know just how important a few meaningful words of encouragement are (and which have proven to be very scarce), even though my philosophy is to believe in yourself even when nobody else does.
I don’t deny that our artificial society has a substantial role in this competition women are against each other – we all know how Facebook and Instagram are used as a make-believe, mainly for show-off and hardly reflecting the real life, and still, how many times haven’t I read about women being jealous about another woman’s “life” splattered on social media? Vanity is hard to escape. But how can men do it and women can’t? Why can’t we be more like them? More relaxed, ready to shake hands, seeing the bigger picture? Not holding resentment, instilling their energy where it is needed and in what counts, retaining a sense of positive perspective no matter what, rejoicing in their friends’ happiness, being real sports. A man is more likely to show real class than a woman, that quality that should be deployed in all aspects of your life.
photo: The Sartorialist, Lunch for 25, 3rd edition
Oh my, what a post! You are so right, Ada – and may I also add we could learn a lot from men about fashion, too. I also find there’s a huge lack of support between women and you just say it so well in your post.
Yes, of course, we can learn a lot from men when it comes to style, but I have approached this subject on several different occasions, so I wanted to keep it out of today’s post.
I didn’t mean the post is lacking in any way because you don’t mention men’s style. It’s a very good post.
Oh, I didn’t mean it that way, Marianne. Your mention was perfectly just and I would have certainly included that part in my post if I hadn’t already talked about it previously.
i’ve actually had quite the opposite experience in life. i know it’s a big topic for many women that female friendships are difficult. that women are more competitive with each other, less likely to be sincere with each other, judgmental and so on, but i’ve never personally found this to be true. it makes me sad to think this is true for so many as it can be such a powerful bond to have the support of good female friends.
I know how powerful a bond a friendship between women can be. I myself have a few, very few, good female friends that I can always count on. And I am inspired by so many women and I have never been reluctant in praising them, in person or from afar (those I haven’t met personally) and to show my support in whatever small way I can (which can only resume to a shout out on my blog – and why not? I do it only when I believe in somebody’s work). There is so much we can learn from each other and accomplish much more if we stick together. But unfortunately I have had the unpleasant surprise of the other type of treatment, too, and it’s not an easy thing to swallow when it’s one-sided and unfounded.
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